I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Terrible idea I love it
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
