So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Ladies don't puke and tell
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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