Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The Olympian is in my bed
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