I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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