smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
