Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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