It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize