Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
