Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I need a beard to bite.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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