I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
be right there i have to get my cape
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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