she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
