Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
