I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
