oh god the rape fog is back!
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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