Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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