I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
