omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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