My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
