I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
