Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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