hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
