I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
