my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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