billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
