I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize