Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
