pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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