I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you didnt know i had herpes?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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