Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
