please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize