That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
