i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
