I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
