Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
