If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
