Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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