is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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