I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize