That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
