he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize