now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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