we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
