She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
