u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize