Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
