Its about making memories worth repressing
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
