why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
