Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i believe in u and ur pee
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
