I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
