Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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