hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
