I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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