garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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