I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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