oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
