I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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