You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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