He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
