i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
