Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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