So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
