I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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