He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
