I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize