Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
