Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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