girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
