apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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