I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
